There's something about Mary
by Ron Weasley
Summary: There is something about Mary. There really is. Or at least there should be. Step-by-step analysis and explanation of Mary Sue and Kouji's relationship. Inclusive of a Mary Sue guide. Kouji sue anyone?
1. Behold, Mary Sue joins the class

There's something about Mary.

_Really._

Disclaimers: I do not own Digimon and I do not own Mary either.

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Chapter One: **_MARY._**

Once upon a time, there was school, then there were exams and finally...Mary sues.

Mary to conquer them all; School, exams, teachers, you, me, the world and most of all, everybody's heart.

Sue to make things difficult for herself, to make sure that the past was the most devastating experience for herself and her family, to make other girls' life miserable, to angst and finally to forget that she's naked and run out screaming vulgarities in about of Sue misery and insanity, all that while eating pie.

Mary Sue is fit, cool, smashing, gorgeous, hot, mysterious, tall, slim, pretty, sexy, lovely, intellectual, smart, witty, brainy and interesting etc…

She can fly, read minds, bring the dead back to life, heal, see through walls, change the weather, solve all problems, bring world peace, smell good while perspiring, fight lions, invent time machines, talk to animals, trees and sometimes, inanimate objects.

She usually keeps to herself and angsts or makes a lot of friends but mostly piss the hell out of the most popular girls in school because she exceeds them in everything, especially in being beautiful, everything but being mean and extremely stupid.

She makes the hottest, most sought after guys in school fall for her.

She breaks their heart and millions of others, strangely, hers too. Alas, such is the life of Mary Sue. Tragedy always finds its way to her doorstep.

That is what we know as Mary Sue. Want some?

So there.

**When Kouji falls in love with Mary.**

Never forget that Mary is always first introduced in class and that the seat next to Kouji always suddenly becomes empty. We can assume that Kouji is horribly anti-social and that no one likes to sit next to him even though he's probably the school heartthrob. If it happens to be the case that the student next to Kouji is absent, we must never wonder what becomes of he who used to sit next to him and Read on because if the teacher doesn't find it strange or coincidental that this particular student happens to be absent on the day itself and for the rest of the year, neither should we. I mean, afterall it makes everything so convenient for Mary!

And so Mary Sue comes to class and sits next to Kouji, or behind, maybe infront or on top?

* * *

A car screeched to a halt outside the school gates, catching Kouji's attention. That must happen to be the car Mary Sue is in as all other cars which make louder screeching noises never bothers him. He peered out of the window. All the Girls below noticed him as they were lying in wait for him and on cue, they squealed and screamed. None of the students in class paid much attention to that as they were busying themselves making bets and copying undone homework. 

After glaring at the car for a while, he returned to his book as nobody seemed to be coming out. Losers, he thought. But how the hell was he to know that the girl within the car would soon see through his wall, read his mind, capture his heart, break it, make him cry, eat his chips, tie his hair and use his toilet?

Twenty minutes later, when the teacher still had not arrived, the students were actively hanging on the fans that were switched on at the highest speed. Ceiling Fans! The fun of it all! If only Kouji hadn't been a sulk and tried it just once, he would have experienced being high, pure happiness and soon after, brain disorder, just like everyone else.

Sadly, all good things come to an end. The teacher entered the classroom in a huff and plucked the indignant students off the fans.

'Good morning class.' Greeted the flustered teacher.

'Good morning Sensei.' Muttered the class grudgingly.

'Today, we have a new student,' He beckoned for her to enter. 'Class, this is Mary.'

A girl with long curly flowing locks of hazel brown hair entered the class. Her hair looked quite blond from Kouji's angle but would have seemed a lovely auburn if he had just tilted his head a little. That was not all; if he had actually looked straight at her, her hair would have been gorgeously ebony.

She had a porcelain face with features expertly chiseled pertaining to her tall slender figure and she had a graceful walk. The girls glared at her with open jealously.

'Please introduce yourself.' Said the teacher serenely, feeling the calm that radiated off her.

'My name is Mary Sue. I was born in Japan but lived in America when I was a baby then went to France when I was two and at five, I left for Spain then Germany and China but when I was eleven, I finally moved back to Japan.' Said Mary in her clear tinkling voice. 'I actually traveled the world, it was a perilous and dangerous quest but still I did it!'

The teacher applauded.

The class stared at her in awe, all except Kouji. He hated snobs, no... he thought he hated snobs. Then again, how was he to know that she would soon see through his wall, read his mind, capture his heart, break it, make him cry, eat his chips, tie his hair and use his toilet, damn it!

'May I take a seat?' asked Mary uncomfortably.

'Sure,' said the teacher as he scanned the class ' How about the seat in front of Minamoto, maybe the one next to him or behind him.'

Mary sauntered past Kouji and sat behind him without even sparing him a passing glance.

Kouji cursed. That Mary, what a snob!

Mary sulked.

'Jerk.' They both muttered under their breaths.

And that was the beginning of their wonderful friendship...

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Me: Flames are allowed…I apologize for any wrong use of English and grammar and whatsit... 

I tried to make it funny...but It's not quite.Whatever!


	2. Let the Love Hate relationship begin

There's something about Mary.  
  
Really.  
  
Chapter the Two: Next...they want to bloody kill each other off, but simply Just CAN'T.  
  
Disclaimers: I do not own Digimon and I'm terribly happy to say that I do not own Mary. Thank You.  
  
To all who reviewed: I appreciate it...A lot. Thanksss!!

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Ready for some more Mary?...  
  
Read on... When Kouji falls in love with Mary. [Much later]  
  
When everyone got to know Mary better. Although it hadn't even been five minutes through the lesson, the lunch bell rang. The innocent children who had learnt absolutely nothing and were victim to this phenomenon didn't really care and rushed over to Mary sue to ask her questions that would greatly satisfy their inner-self.

'Is the Eiffel Tower made of spaghetti?' asked Takeshi. 'Can I see the Eiffel Tower if I do this?' asked Takeshi again, stuffing his toe into his right nostril and jabbing his belly button.

'Are you my mother?'

'Would you like me if I shaved my teeth?'

'Are you God?'

'NO!!! You're Sarah Jessica Parker!!!!'

Mary Sue giggled and the innocent children suddenly and abruptly remained silent to take in her wonderful angelic peals of laughter. It echoed like a waterfall, fluttered like a butterfly, buzzed like a bee, flew like a flying monkey, nagged like the president and finally got etched in their brains, which then inspired them to clean their rooms, do their homework, pay attention in class, respect their elders and contribute to world peace.

Only Kouji was not affected, he knew that Mary was just like everyone else. Oh, yes he knew...

He then wondered why no one had crowded around him like that on his first day, which quite provoked a funny feeling in his stomach.

Kouji swore as he passed Mary on his way out of the classroom.

'What's Kouji's problem?' asked Toshi irritably because he had a crush on Mary and hoped that Mary had one on him too. She didn't, too bad for him. Toshi probably didn't know this but Kouji was starting his OOC process.

'Peace.' Said Mary like how a miss Universe candidate would when faced with a Complex question, like 'What do you think of chewing gum?' then flashed Toshi a smile, and though she would've liked very much to slap Kouji silly, she stayed rooted to the ground and continued smiling.

Kouji made a beeline for the bathroom. No, Kouji made a beeline for the girl's bathroom and as he had already grown accustomed to the school layout, really and honestly did not know how he had ended up there. He was not aware a damn bit that it was the girl's bathroom because he must have put his bandana on a bit too tightly this morning and perhaps it had affected his brain.

But, It was actually Mary Sue who was breaking into his defenses and making him prone to errors but they were both blissfully unaware of that for a fact.

His dropping in had caused a reaction from Izumi who was undoing a wedgie. She screamed, as every girl would, only that she screamed without any sort of sudden hormonal surge unlike those from the K.F.C [Kouji Fan Club]. She just screamed for the sake of it and because she liked sake. [Is that a Pun?!?! I feel stupid]

Kouji knew what was happening, OH...HE SURE DID, he had seen this on Television countless times. He must have entered a parallel world in which fishes sang and people were slaves to peanut butter and Mickey Mouse.

Suddenly, his surroundings blinded him; he held his hands up in a very dramatic manner to shield his eyes and after a while, peeked from beneath only to be faced with four walls full of stars and sparkly pink glitter and peanut butter.

_People in the parallel world have awful taste_. Thought Kouji. _I wonder if I'm Madonna in this world... _

Meanwhile, Izumi had been screaming for at least two minutes [while Kouji was having his terrible muse] without pausing for a break because she still had this affinity for sake.

Kouji ignored her sickeningly shrill bawly like shriek and rushed into a cubicle as his stomach prompted him to do so.

Izumi then, realising that he had not much of a reaction to her bawly like shriek, ran out into the hallway and hollered what was to be Kouji's downfall.

'KOUJI'S IN THE GIRLS' BATHROOM!!!!'

THAT, caught everyone's attention, at least those within ten meters of her, however Mary Sue who was in class about eight miles away managed to hear Izumi's cry of distress because she was of a Mary Sue species.

Not knowing why herself, Mary rushed out to the scene of crime with the whole class tagging along. This was going to be good...thought a triumphant Mary in another one of her classically weird and sudden mood swings.

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A/N: I lacked the muse. I really did. If you felt it sucked, feel free to flame...and once again, Please forgive any wrong use of English and grammar and whatsit...  
  
EURO 2004!!! BWAHAHA!!!


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